top of page
ego 

What becomes possible when we choose to operate from our inner guidance instead of outward projections of the mind? What, if we let life participate in the unfolding instead of trying to control our experience from our intellect? The complete loss of subjective self-identity, the death of the ego, often triggered by a traumatic experience, that causes everything we once relied on, everything we were attached to, to dissolve, leaving behind merely a notion of who we thought we were is the terrifying yet  seemingly indispensable starting point for any fundamental transformation to take place.  It is in our darkest moments that an intrinsic knowing begins to surface, a knowing of something bright, radiant  even, yet illogical,  an inner knowing of a light that can either guide us towards growth or, by denying our senses and clinging on to familiar paradigms, that now merely serve us by delivering a false sense of security, blind us with its clarity.  How to quiet the mind, and surrender to an unwanted circumstance without identifying with the state of despair?  How to fall yet not  become  a victim? How to trust when everything falls apart? How to  preserve love when life has made us fearful?   
 
Remembering strength from a  state of weakness  can be as liberating as it can be painful  and offensive to the  sufferer,  who  has become hopeless and resentful, detesting yet relying on this very pain to be validated not only as a cruel reality but,  beaten down by circumstances, and being robbed or even denied of developing a true sense of self, as an integral part of  his identity. Considering the fact that the ego's  greatest need is security and that its inherent  and  main purpose is survival it is not the ego itself  but the ego attached to and  dependent on something  outside of oneself, that poses the biggest threat to  the individual who has become accustomed to an unwanted situation and as a result of that is trapped by an unfavorable yet familiar concept of  self, preventing true, desirable change to take place by relying on something out of its control to stay the same or, if perceived as a threat , to change, determined to condemn and fight against anything that holds the potential to question the engrained conviction. Rigid and fixed in nature the attached ego seeks to  categorize its environment as either right or wrong, friend or foe, innocent or guilty, victim or perpetrator , taking refuge in confirming and offense to contradicting concepts, depending on blame and exclusion as tools of punishment, in order to sustain the illusion of control.  But who are we when this fragile construct  we have based our entire existence upon collapses, suddenly, irrevocably? Learning to  let go  by allowing ourselves not to know the outcome, trusting  our inner guidance, by purely following our senses and accepting a temporary  state of helplessness as well as  understanding the lack of direction as an opportunity to realign will inevitably lead us back to who we truly are. Only by discovering our true selves we will find the courage to shed an outgrown identity and  gather the strength to allow ourselves to be  the person we have become, the person we have always been.           
 
Embarking on this journey and committing to it means surrendering to our deepest fears, acknowledging  the parts of ourselves we perceive as  undesirable, and confronting them with understanding and compassion rather than with denial, judgement and shame.  By quieting the fluctuations of the mind, and drifting to stillness, we learn to listen to ourselves and others without a motive, without fear or bias and we shift our focus to the solution rather than getting lost by dwelling on the problem. We find clarity where once was chaos and confusion.  Through taking a closer look at myself this journey has led me back to the beginning, to nature, where nothing is isolated, but everything is in connection with something else, which is before it, beside it, under it or over it, to my ancestors.  Exploring the different stages of meditation in music and dance, I was inspired by the trance like state achieved by the jumping Maasai, reaching heights seemingly unfeasible, the ostinato and the recurrent patterns especially in Western African music, the storytelling in melodies and rhythms, percussive sounds, interwoven into the fabric of life, resonating with the past, present and future. The echoes rolling strongly, loudly from soul to soul, a deep understanding passed on from generation to generation,  a knowing of  greatness, of a connection to and the perfection of all creation, of nature, our source.

Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still they say. watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.
bottom of page